All good things must come to an end.
9:52 AM Edit This 5 Comments »
Unfortunately, mine isn't coming to a happy ending. I wish my ending was giving birth to a healthy baby, but I can't say that and I won't be able to say that. On Monday I started having old blood discharge (just what you want to hear right?) So, I called the doctor. The nurse said it was normal. I only have to worry if it's bright red. I had it again on Tuesday. Then I woke up Tuesday night at 3:30 in the morning cramping and red blood. GREAT! So, I called in sick to work and called the doctor first thing when they opened. They told me to come in at 10. First I went for an ultrasound. At the end the the tech asked me if I was sure of my date for my last period. I was sure I kept track on a calendar. She then proceeds to tell me that she can't find the baby. So then in tears I go to a room to meet with the doctor. He has me undress and sit on the table with the lovely paper sheet they give you. Then, the fire alarm goes off and we have to leave. But, before we leave he does the exam. After standing outside for ten minutes we come back in and he tells me he's going to send me to have blood drawn to check hormone levels. Then again on Friday. His guess is that the levels will come down and eventually I will miscarry. I'm supposed to be 9 weeks, but what he saw on the ultra sound resembles what they would expect to see at six weeks. Last night I was in a lot of pain with cramps. So, that whole process has begun. So, in a nutshell, life sucks right now. I know all the statistics such as only 1 in 5 conceptions end in a health birth. Does that mean I have to get pregnant 5 times before I can have a healthy birth? Anyway tell me that doesn't make me feel any better. And telling me it will be okay won't help me either. I don't feel like doing a damn thing. I'd rather lay in bed and do nothing and just wonder why the hell did this have to happen to me. There are plenty of teenage moms and not so teenage moms that shouldn't be having babies. I'm not one of those people. Am I not deserving enough to have a baby? I know I know things happen for a reason and this happened because there was something wrong and God intervenes when he needs to. I know all that, but it still hurt and I still hate it!
5 comments:
I'm sorry. There are no words to make it better. Hang in there and take it day by day. Our love is with you. XO
I'm so sorry!!! I just want to reach out and hug you right now!!! I'll be thinking of you!
Oh God Laura, I am so sorry. I wish you didn't have to go through this. It isn't right, but God has a way for these thing working out. I PROMISE!...as it may not seem like it right now, it will get easier.
If you need someone to chat with, please feel free to call me. I am here day or night. 703-981-2078.
Hugs Sweetie...your tiny bean is now an angel is heaven.
Laura Beth, honey I'm sooo sorry. I wish I was there to give hugs. Sweetie god does do things for a reason, and I know you don't want to here it now. But maybe he felt right now in your life with a new job and all wasn't the best. I know in time you'll heal from this. It just isn't right, I'm here if you need me hon.
lots of love to you and ryan.
Laura, honey I'm sorry you have to go through with this, I have felt how you feel and it SUCKS between Blake & Catie I lost what they thought were twins. I know the feeling of just wanting to do nothing I was in bed for ahwile and not able to do much besides cry and ask why but knew deep down that God had his reasons and that got me back up and going again. I know it's hard now for both of you but it will get better you have a deep faith and it will get you though just take one moment at a time and know that so many people are thinking of you both and praying for you both to manage through this time. Love you ! Aunt Anna
Post a Comment