Loving Mikayla Grace

Well.... the results of my dr. appointment means a lot. Let me give you the facts first (which I have been giving all along. Imagine that, you can believe some things you read on the Internet!) Women with a unicornuate uterus have a greater chance of miscarriage and preterm labor. The dr. said the baby is usually lost at the end of 2nd trimester or beginning of third. At that point it's emotionally and physically straining. You're actually losing a baby that has arms and legs. The positive thing (if you can see it as that) is that with every loss the uterus will stretch allowing for the next pregnancy to last longer. Can women with a unicornuate uterus have babies? Yes. If you google it you will find lots of women who have successfully had healthy babies. There is also a high potential for an ectopic pregnancy and implantation that could cause a rupture and possible bleeding to death. Now I know this all sounds so negative, but I'm just giving the facts.

In addition to all of this, I have Multiple Sclerosis, which apparently has been active up there in my brain per my MRI from last month. I would have never guessed because I haven't had any problems, but the MRI doesn't lie. The doctor says he's doesn't know where we are in the whole pregnancy thing, but he is very concerned that I am not on medication and haven't been for a while.

So................................................Where does this leave Ryan and I? I personally do not want to go through miscarriage after miscarriage, loss after loss. The first miscarriage was enough for me. I don't want to fill a cemetery with babies just trying to get that one that survives. And the fertility dr. agrees. He believes that we have the choice and if we wanted to try he would do what he could to help us. However, he feels that it is in our best interest that we not conceive a baby. He told us about his sister who is in a similar situation and he told her not to have a baby. Ryan believes he told that story saying that if he were my brother he would be telling us not to.

The dr. didn't give us any information that we didn't already know, aside my having two kidneys. So none of it came as a surprise. However, it made it all real and confirmed that we will not be having a baby of our own. Before you get all crazy on me!!!!! I know there are other options, but let me deal with the loss and grief of the fact that I cannot carry my own baby. I cannot breast feed my own child. I will not feel the first kick or movement. Please let me grieve this loss and when Ryan and I are ready we will decide whether to adopt or go with surrogacy.